Simple Kitchen

How to Fry an Egg

This post contains affiliate links and an egg-frying technique. Beware.

Embarrassing Confession: Until last month I couldn’t fry a decent egg to save my family. Life wasn’t always so grim. I used to fry eggs just fine. I didn’t really know what I was doing, but that didn’t seem to matter. I had a pretty good egg-frying track record. I temporarily thought I was endowed with a little extra magic in the kitchen or maybe a bit of beginner’s luck. Then somehow, I lost my egg-frying abilities. It was a sad ~~day~~ fifteen years. I now know it wasn’t beginner’s luck or talent that landed the rare identifiable egg on my hubby’s plate–it was just God offering my hungry husband a little mercy.

Now, however, I can fry an egg like a pro because I learned from the pros. You may think this is no big deal and a ridiculous post, but I can guarantee you there is a Frustrated Someone out there searching “How to fry a stinkin’ egg already!” I get you, Frustrated Someone. I totally get you.

I learned how to fry a stinkin’ egg (and do other amazing-to-me things in the kitchen) from the book my hungry husband gave me for Christmas, entitled The America’s Test Kitchen Cooking School Cookbook: Everything You Need to Know to Become a Great Cook. It’s a big title and an even bigger book.

In case you think my husband’s a big fat meanie, I requested the book after one too many broken eggs and dry roasts.

Anyway, this really isn’t about the book. It’s about how to fry a stinkin’ egg already! (This is a bad picture of my stinkin’ eggs, but when you live in a trailer and shoot with a cell phone, it’s how egg pictures look. Trust me that the rest of my eggs looked much better than the eggs in this picture, but we were so excited that I was making consistently (instead of randomly and rarely) awesome eggs that we ate the stinkin’ things with no pictures.)

How to Fry a Stinkin’ Egg

(According to America’s Test Kitchen, with some additions from l’il ol’ me)

What You Need:

non-stick pan–8 or 9 inches for 2 eggs, 10 inches for 4 (I just use what I have)
butter–about 1.5 teaspoons per 2-4 eggs (3 teaspoons is a tablespoon–memorize it)
stinkin’ eggs–2 per person is reasonable, eh?
spatula (turner)
timer

What You Do:

Heat the pan over medium-high heat for five minutes. Set your timer.
Meanwhile, crack the eggs on a flat surface, not on the edge of the bowl or pan. Why not? Because minuscule egg shell fragments may be forced into the egg, and you won’t see them and then you’re swallowing little shell shards and making your intestines cry. Nobody wants weepy intestines.
Put the eggs in a cute little bowl, two eggs to a bowl. If you’re making four eggs, use two bowls. That way the eggs all go in at the same time and get done at the same time. Eggs like everything to be fair.
After the pan has been heating for five minutes, toss the butter into the pan. When I say toss, you know I mean place gently, right?
Tip the pan to melt the butter and coat the pan. The butter should melt in under a minute. If it takes longer than a minute, your pan is not hot enough–heat it longer. If your butter burns during that minute, your pan is too hot–start over, and, uh, it’s okay to cry a little, too. I mean, it’s butter!
Gently tip the cute little egg-bearing bowls and gently deposit the eggs into the properly heated pan. Don’t plop them in from the heavens. Get down in there.
Hurry scurry like a little bunny and salt and pepper those babies, unless your preschooler is eating them and doesn’t like pepper. Test Kitchen Guru says 4 parts salt to one part pepper. I just shake-a shake-a, but remember, my husband is a hungry man.
Quickly cover the pan to maintain the temperature. If your pan doesn’t have a cover, do what my brother does and plop a cookie sheet on top. If your cover has a little steam vent, don’t do what younger and dumber me did and plug the vent with your finger. Moving on.
Cook for 2 minutes, and then do a quick peek to check the eggs to see if they are to your liking. “Done” means the membrane over the yolk is white. If you like the yolk hard, cook it longer. I’m more of a 3.25-minute egg girl myself. I also like peanut butter on my eggs, so you shouldn’t go by my likes.
At this point you have some options. My mom adds a splash of water to the pan to steam the eggs and cook the tops better. I flip some of my eggs when they’re nearly done and firmly set, because the people I feed like the yolks better that way. Test Kitchen Guru leaves them alone. You, Frustrated Someone, can choose.

That’s it. It’s really simple. Still, I’m going to talk on. These next points are embarrassingly obvious, but if you’re reading this to learn how to fry an egg, Frustrated Someone, you and I need people to point out the obvious. There’s no shame in that. No shame.

Please don’t overcook your eggs. You can always cook them a little longer, but you can’t uncook them, unless you call giving them to your dog and starting over uncooking.
Toast your bread while you’re waiting.
Have softened butter available to spread on your hot toast. Well-buttered toast helps ease the pain in case your egg fry fails. I like to pop my toast in the pan after I pull the eggs out.
Use a really good skillet. While I’m all about taking accountability for your actions, you really can blame this failure on the tools.
Don’t get distracted by a four-year-old and the word “eggs” and go off and read Green Eggs and Ham and forget that you’re frying eggs. That’s what timers are for! Also, seriously, never leave the stove unattended and scamper off on an outdoor adventure and have to call the house from the back 40 to ask someone to take your stinkin’ eggs off the stinkin’ burner and feed them to the ~~stinkin’~~ dog who will be very sad you’re finally learning how to cook in a way that people will eat it.

In summary:

Preheat pan for five minutes.
Add butter.
Gently add eggs.
Season.
Cover.
Cook.
Check.
Serve.

Go for it, Frustrated Someone! Go fry an egg!

Now, I know you must have a cooking challenge of your own. If you share it in the comments, I would be happy to look it up in my cool fun new Cooking School book and write about it. So happy!

Homemade Hot Cocoa Recipe

I don’t drink cocoa, because it gives me gas. I’m glad we cleared the air on that sensitive topic.

Snicker.

Moving on.

The thing I love about homemade hot cocoa is that it’s simple to put in the dairy or non-dairy products and sweeteners that you wish to meet everybody’s needs and preferences. Blah blah blah. What I really like is that it tastes so stinkin’ awesome!

I’m giving you a basic recipe which is great as it is, because I’m all about simple, or it can be spruced up or adjusted. It’s your job to alter it to your needs and liking.

Homemade Hot Cocoa

Ingredients:

1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/3 to 3/4 cup sugar (to your liking) (I tend toward 1/2 cup, but most will choose more. My daughter uses honey.)
1 pinch salt (optional–I use it because I look cool tossing a pinch of salt into a beverage)
1/3 cup water
3 cups milk (any kind–we use whole, coconut, or almond)
1 cup cream or half-n-half (or an extra cup of milk)
1 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Optional add-ins:

whipped cream
chocolate chips of any variety
cinnamon or cinnamon sticks
marshmallows
peppermint sticks or candy canes
coffee or espresso
peanut butter

Directions:

Mix all dry ingredients together.
Boil the water in a heavy saucepan.
Dissolve the dry ingredients in the boiling water by whisking over medium heat for about two minutes–keep it to a simmer.
Add the milk and heat it until it’s hot, whisking continually. Do not boil. Pay close attention, because milk burns faster than I lose my train of thought.
Remove the deliciousness from the heat.
Add the cream or half-n-half and the vanilla.
Divide the sweet deliciousness between four mugs, unless your cocoa drinkers are little, in which case it might stretch into six or eight, especially if you fill half a mug with marshmallows.
Add more cream to cool if needed…or just wait.

I know you’re asking “Why water? Can’t I just boil the milk? Can’t I just stir the powders into the milk? Can’t I just use the packets from Swiss Miss?”

Because a very hot liquid will dissolve the sugar. No, because it might curdle or burn. Yes, but it might be a little gritty. If you like Swiss Miss, drink Swiss Miss–it’s certainly easier, and you just can’t argue with tiny little marshmallows with their tiny marshmallow cuteness.

Related Recipes:

This Tres Leche Cocoa looks fantabulous! Oh, yummity yum yum yum!
Allergic to dairy? How about this oh-so-scrumptious Almond Hot Cocoa!
If you’re allergic to dairy and nuts, here’s a recipe for Coconut Milk Hot Chocolate. It is sweetened with honey, but you can use the sweetener of your choice, because America is great like that.
If you’re not allergic to anything or you’re allergic to everything and you want to die in complete bliss, you have to try this Whipped Hot Chocolate recipe.

Homeschool Helps:

For your science studies, answer the ever-fascinating question, “Where does chocolate come from?”

For your home economics class, learn this relevant skill which I hope you don’t need today: How to remove burned milk from a saucepan.

Here’s the boring printable version.

Homemade Hot Cocoa Recipe

Recipe Type: Beverage

Author: Christy, The Simple Homemaker

Prep time: 10 mins

Total time: 10 mins

Serves: 4 cups

This basic recipe can be adjusted to fit anybody’s needs or preferences. Don’t be afraid to experiment..a lot.

Ingredients

Main ingredients:
1/3 cup cocoa powder
1/3 to 3/4 cup sugar or other sweetener (to your liking)
1 pinch salt (optional)
1/3 cup water
3 cups milk (any kind–we use whole, coconut, or almond)
1 cup cream or half-n-half (or an extra cup of milk)
1 teaspoon vanilla (optional)
Optional add-ins:
whipped cream
chocolate chips of any variety
cinnamon or cinnamon sticks
marshmallows
peppermint sticks or candy canes
coffee or espresso
peanut butter

Instructions

Mix all dry ingredients together.
Boil the water in a heavy saucepan.
Dissolve the dry ingredients in the boiling water by whisking over medium heat for about two minutes–keep it to a simmer.
Add the milk and heat it until it’s hot, whisking continually. Do not boil. Pay close attention, because milk burns faster than I lose my train of thought.
Remove the deliciousness from the heat.
Add the cream or half-n-half and the vanilla.
Divide the sweet deliciousness between four mugs, unless your cocoa drinkers are little, in which case it might stretch into six or eight, especially if you fill half a mug with marshmallows.
Add more cream to cool if needed…or just wait.

How to Thaw a Turkey (Even at the Last Minute)

When it comes to thawing turkey, we’ve got your back with these guidelines garnered from Butterball and Cook’s Country:

How to Thaw a Turkey

If you have 3-5 days, follow this guide:

Move the turkey from the freezer to the refrigerator.
Leave it in the wrapping it came in.
For some reason which I don’t know, Butterball says to thaw it breast side up.
To keep it from leaking all over everything else in your fridge, place it in a large baking pan or tray.
Allot a day for every four pounds of turkey. That means a twelve-pounder will take three days, a twenty-pounder will take five days, and, if you’re roasting Big Bird, you should probably start thawing in July.

How to Thaw a Turkey at the Last Minute

If you pulled the major oops and forgot about your turkey until the day before you need your bird (or the day of), follow this guide:

Leave the bird in the wrapping.
Plop the frozen bird in water. Make sure it is completely covered. You can use a cooler, a five-gallon bucket, the sink, or, hey, your bathtub. Changing the water frequently will speed up the process.
This method requires an hour for two pounds, so, again, 12 pounds is 6 hours, 20 pounds is 10 hours, Big Bird is–you know, this roasted Big Bird talk is morbid and disgusting.

When your bird is thawed, you have two to four days to get it from thawed to cooked, so don’t get too distracted and forget about your bird.

Just so you know, the term “last minute” is figurative. If you literally forgot to thaw the turkey until the minute it was supposed to go in the oven, turn on the game, order pizza, and invite everyone back tomorrow. It will make a great story to tell your daughter-in-law when she forgets to thaw her turkey.

If you’re interested in a super juicy bird, don’t forget to brine your turkey.

Okay, this is your time to “shine.” What’s your best “forgot to thaw the bird” story?

My story: I’ve never forgotten to thaw a bird, but I did set one inside the garage door when I came home from the grocery store and forgot it there…for days. Why didn’t I notice it? Apparently, I rarely used that door, and also it was a buy-one-get-one-free sale, so the other turkey was getting all the pre-Thanksgiving TLC. We ~~smelled~~ found it eventually.

Photo thanks: Tim Sackton (changes mine)

Christy’s Simple Tips: How to De-Core Iceberg Lettuce

I thought everybody knew this technique, so I never thought to mention it. About two years ago my grandmother told me to watch the neat trick my uncle had just taught her, and she showed me the iceberg coring method my own mother–her own daughter–had been using my whole life.

Apparently, not everyone knows this. But you will.

How to De-Core Iceberg Lettuce

Take the iceberg lettuce in your hand.
Locate the core.
Slam the core down on a hard surface, like a counter–not like your head.
It will loosen so you can slide it out.

Super duper simple!

Oh, palm the lettuce like this or with both hands on the sides:

Don’t hold it with one hand on the bottom by the core. Ouch.

This simple tip comes straight from Mom down on the ol’ homestead. Thanks Mom! Love you! OX

Special thanks to Elisabeth for coring this head of lettuce for all you. You have lovely hands, Elisabeth. Go practice your piano.

To see your favorite simple tips featured on The Simple Homemaker (including a link to the page of your choice), please submit it through my contact page or send an email (pictures are optional) to TheSimpleHomemaker at gmail dot com with SIMPLE TIP in the subject.

11 Tried and True Tips for Getting Kids to Eat Veggies

One poor mama asked me how to get her kids to eat their vegetables. She has a child that gags and cannot swallow his veggies. Poor guy.

Many people will judge. I might have after my first four girls, who ate their vegetables enthusiastically, but now I eat my veggies with a side of humble pie! Here’s why:

We went through the whole gag issue with one of our seven, our boy. He would gag with certain veggies in his mouth. If required to swallow, it would come back up. Mmm…that’s appetizing. I don’t think anyone watching the scene firsthand could say it was an obedience issue. He physically couldn’t get them down, and he was a very obedient child. We kept offering the veggies and now he inhales them all.

Here is what we did to make veggies a readily accepted part of my son’s diet.

11 Tried and True Tips for Getting Kids to Eat Veggies

1–Frozen peas and green beans are like ice cream bonbons. Okay, they’re totally not, but they’re fun to eat if your kids are beyond the choking stage.

2–Smoothies are God’s alternative to dinner table battles and McDonald’s drive-throughs. Throw in a tiny bit of veggie and gradually increase the amount.

3–I often opted for heavily veggie-based dishes instead of stand-alone veggies. Somehow, veggies are easier to eat when they’re in a different form–casseroles, veggie soup, tomato soup, stir-fry, pasta sauce, pies, even lasagna. Chop small or blend, you sneaky mama.

4–I still add veggies to as many dishes as possible, and then tell my son what he ate only after he ate them and liked them. That way he knows he has tried and enjoyed that veggie. Parsnip-mashed potatoes comes to mind. I also sneak onions into everything, and he love-hates onions. (Loves them until he finds out he just ate an onion, at which point everything is gross, although yesterday he realized he loves French onion soup.)

Help Your Kids Eat Their Veggies! — This pasty is sneaky–it has yummy veggies inside!

5–Pretty bowls of veggies set out as daily snacks are enjoyed by everyone, and he dives right in with the rest. Dip makes it more fun, but I only use that as a treat.

6–We cut out as much processed foods as possible (in our case, all the processed food) both to not give him an alternative snack and to help his health and tastes. This is particularly effective if the gag reflex is from a developing (or passing) allergy issue.

7–I kindly and respectfully asked my hubby, who sits by him at every meal and was admittedly not raised on veggies, to stop making remarks about how disgusting veggies are and to quit leaving them on his plate. Setting a good example is huge. Huge-huge!

8–We planted a garden together and ate the goods.

11 Tips to Get Kids to Eat Veggies — Gathering rhubarb from a friend’s garden.

9–Sometimes he would be my shopping buddy, and I would let him pick out whatever he wanted to try from the grocery store. We rotated kids, but it was new and exciting, so they tried it.

10–We required him to try one bite of the veggie dish, or one piece (like one pea or bean) for each year of his age. I apologize in advance, my dear future daughter-in-law, if you have to count out 42 beans for him. I really tried.

11–We held off on the foods that made him gag. Eventually, we reintroduced them and he was totally fine with them. It is possible that it’s a sensitivity issue.

Here’s a ray of hope for you mamas struggling to get veggies into your children (or hubby): When my gagger son (now 9) was six, he talked my veggie-phobic husband into trying Brussels sprouts, and they both liked them. There is hope! At six he was my least creative eater, but at 9 he loves his veggies and will eat almost anything, especially mushrooms.

11 Tips to Get Your Kids to Eat Veggies — That’s him in the background, happily munching on an “edible weed” from a friend’s back yard.

How do you get your kids to eat their veggies?

How to Clean Burned Milk From a Pan

Argh! I burned the milk again! I know, I know, it’s my own fault–I have the attention span of a caffeinated fruit fly, and milk burns very easily. It’s a bad combination.

Lucky for my pots, I know how to get that stuck-on mess off the bottom of my pans.

And soon you will, too.

How to Remove Burned Milk From a Pan

What you need:

salt
a wooden spoon or similarly non-offensive scraping implement
water
dish soap
a heating surface, like a stove

What you do:

Sprinkle the bottom of the pot with a layer of salt.
Add warm water to saturate the salt.
Let it rest for 20 minutes or until you remember it.
Scrape the bottom of the pan with a spoon, scrubby, spatula–whatever is scrapy but won’t damage your pot.
Rinse out the pot.
If it’s clean. You’re finished. Have a cookie.
If it’s not clean, put a couple inches of water and several drops of dish soap in the bottom of the pan.
Heat it to boiling on the stove and then simmer on low heat for about an hour. This reeks to high heaven in my opinion (maybe not quite that high), so open the windows and pass out the barf bags.
If this doesn’t work, repeat ad infinitum.

Next time you heat milk on the stove, turn off the television, the radio, the the doorbell, the computers, your phone, your dog, your children, and your brain, and just focus. I know. I can’t either.

Print this up and keep it in your cookbook right by your favorite hot cocoa recipe. Ha ha! Only I’m not joking.

Here’s the printable version:

How to Remove Burned Milk From a Pan

Author: Christy, The Simple Homemaker

Since I have the attention span of a caffeinated fruit fly, and because milk burns easily, I have had to frequently use the following trick to get that burned-on gunk off my pots and pans.

Ingredients

salt
a wooden spoon or similarly non-offensive scraping implement
water
dish soap
a heating surface, like a stove

Instructions

Sprinkle the bottom of the pot with a layer of salt.
Add warm water to saturate the salt.
Let it rest for 20 minutes or until you remember it.
Scrape the bottom of the pan with a spoon, scrubby, spatula–whatever is scrapy but won’t damage your pot.
Rinse out the pot.
If it’s clean. You’re finished. Have a cookie.
If it’s not clean, put a couple inches of water and several drops of dish soap in the bottom of the pan.
Heat it to boiling on the stove and then simmer on low heat for about an hour. This reeks to high heaven in my opinion (maybe not quite that high), so open the windows and pass out the barf bags.
If this doesn’t work, repeat ad infinitum.

**How do you get the burned-on milk out?**

Christy’s Simple Tips: The Easy Way to Shred Cheese With No Mush

One of the reasons I had seven children is so they can do the menial tasks I dislike, such as shredding cheese. I don’t like to shred cheese. I don’t like how it gets melty and mushy and sort of oozes into the grater after a few minutes instead of slicing off cleanly. Do you know what I mean?

The solution is simple. Pop the entire block of cheese into the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes. (Any longer and the cheese might thaw oddly.) It will harden enough to make the cheese grating process a thing of beauty. A thing of beauty, I tell ya!

Pop the grater in the freezer, too, and the process will be even slicker.

I know you’re wondering why I don’t recommend buying the already grated cheese to totally simplify the process. Oh, I have my reasons.

First, usually the shredded cheese is more expensive, but lately I’ve been noticing some shredded cheeses are cheaper than their block counterparts. Shocking, I know!

Another reason is that shredded cheeses do the whole melty mushy thing unless the manufacturer adds an anti-caking agent. That’s no big deal to most of you, but I have a daughter with Crohn’s Disease who can’t currently eat the potato starch and powdered cellulose (usually a wood byproduct) that are often used as the agents in question.

Finally, if you’re low-carbing it, that’s a little extra carb intake that isn’t as fun as, say, eating a cookie. I totally made that last one up—anything to promote cookies!

Reasons one and two are enough for us to force our kids to shred our own cheese.

Are you freaking out over wood in your cheese? Don’t freak out. The government says it’s just fine.

You can stop laughing now.

Seriously, the government says it’s fine, and even some organic companies say it’s fine. Others say it’s the spawn of Satan.

Do I know the answer? No. Do I care? I care enough to buy block cheese and make my children shred it at home. I don’t care enough to not eat Archway Windmill Cookies and Lorna Doones from Grandma’s cookie jar. (Those cookie links are affiliate links…and my favorite store cookies.)

I know. I have issues.